One of my biggest regrets about the pandemic has been how unfit I’ve become. Apart from occasional walks around the common at the back of my house, the part of me that’s got most exercise over the last year has been my right arm from shovelling junk food down my throat. I’ve not been helped by the manner in which my job has changed. Working from home, but working long hours I’m closer to burnout than I am to any of my targets. Late finishes, and having skipped dinner earlier, I’m either popping to the BP garage for groodles or if it’s a particularly noteworthy or stressful day getting takeaway delivered. It’s a lamentable state of affairs and it’s weighed on my mind lately, Another birthday has just rolled by; my 45th and although I understand I could be mis-understood, I’ve been using the line, “Uphill all the way” in order to try and emphasise that I see the future as one of mountains to climb and peaks to scale as I get older. If I say it enough times, maybe I’ll convince myself even if I can’t convince anyone else, but nevertheless, if there are adventures to be had and heights to reach, getting fitter will have to be a key part of it. But what to do?
My passion has long been jogging. My aim was always to reach parkrun standard, but I always end up hitting a hiatus just at the point where I was able to comfortably run close to those distances. I’d like to restart but my shoes are a mess and at the moment, I fear that I could only comfortably commit to half a mile runs, which is at least 2 miles less than I run at my best.
My wife wants to join a cycling club and hopes I will do. But the thought of saddle-soreness and shrivelled genitalia through cycling downhill into a strong breeze...well my genitalia are already shrivelling at the thought of it. At the moment, I’d go for our exercise bike, but it’s never worked properly due to a fault on the tension control - there isn’t any - so it really just works as something to use when warming up for jogging rather than as a fitness tool in its own right.
My wife’s also excited because we’re due to move close to a leisure centre very soon. What could be better, she reasons, than being a stone’s throw away from a pool and badminton courts? But we’ve spent 10 years living close to another leisure centre/swimming pool and we never set foot in it.
So at the moment, that really just leaves aerobics but I’m normally still finishing breakfast or starting work when Joe Wicks is doing his stuff, but I like his idea of short, sharp hits of exercise. That could work well, especially if accompanied by some appropriate musical background....
If I was to look for something from John Peel’s playlists then Ice & Acid strikes me as an ideal track to use for nearly 8 minutes worth of aerobic activity. The tribal samba drumming of the first 45 seconds serves as a good way to warm up, then the oppressive synths drop in to move the competitor from djembe workshop to Ministry of Sound (albeit before the bar has opened) and they serve to warn the competitor that physical labour is coming. The moan from 3 minutes in reminds you to breathe as you dance and then the exertions start, beckoned on by the Are you in love/Now rock your body refrain. I still haven’t worked out the choreography yet, but it may just, yet tempt me off this sofa and the cool glass of white wine I’m currently eyeing up.
Video courtesy of yoshiochamaable
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